Amalie - I'll always miss you - c'est la vie

 The first thing I saw was her smile and it made me smile and then I heard her laugh and thought my God there it is the smile set loose so free and clear her laughter is like the winds rustling the boughs of trees like rain pelting the soft earth like birds soaring through strides of sheer, blue sky overhead and when she first threw back her head and laughed that is when my heart left me for her, a minor sin for which he is forgiven since forsaking my chest for hers is what my heart was born to do. It is both my curse and my blessing to know the meanings of things great and small. I saw first that she does not color her hair and that itself spoke volumes to me and stirred me with longings even that first pull of lust for I know the meaning of this thing. Then I saw that she does not wear one shred of make up and knowing the meaning of that, my knees grew weak and I almost hit the ground: my God man she is genuine thoughtlessly, effortlessly, seamlessly genuine from head to toe, from bone to soul. Her love flows without restraint or measure as freely as sunshine pouring down from the heavens above and not just for me but for every living thing and confession that this pulled a little at me for truth be told I am not perfect and I am a selfish man and I would want all that love just for myself but I am cursed with knowing how things work in this world and I so knew that this is her blessing and that God Almighty demands I must share her love with the world no different than sharing the sunlight pouring down from the heavens with every living soul and thankfully for me and thankfully for us all love is that one single thing that knows no measure and abides no containment whatsoever. She is smart enough to go places I go and smart enough to get to some before I do and wise enough to laugh at me sometimes not with me and she takes me out of my head not an easy thing to do and a blessing in itself making me a softer thing, a happier thing, a more joyful thing than I naturally am. She is so good for me. She is sexy and alive and funny and more whole and centered a thing than I am. She did not have to open her heart how that is such a marvel to me for whom it was a seemingly impossible task opening my own heart knowing that her heart just is existing free and clear as her smile and her laughter I am quite certain from the moment of her first breath. She does not have to try to be strong because she is strong. She does not have to try to be feminine because she is feminine. She has known the pains of being a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a woman and I know this is the only down side to having an open heart that these so human pains are multiplied and this I remind myself because some part of me wants to believe that she has never known any pain her whole life long for just thinking of her in any kind of pain is almost more than I can bare. When she is vulnerable I feel like I know for a moment what that love might be like of a parent for their child this love that I have never known in life and my God man what a breathtaking and terrifying love like teetering on the abyss that is as if your heart beats outside your own chest and the very breath you breathe is not quite your own to take. The problem with knowing things is that you can never unknow them but knowing her is without regret, a treasured gift that I will now take with me in measureless gratitude and love into the hallowed halls of eternity.