Dream 3/5/2015

(I would say that I don't feel this has anything to do with "the world" merely is a very accurate and truthful assessment of my own deepest feelings about the world as I do not believe that our unconscious "lies" but rather presents a childlike, unfiltered, if symbolic representation of our emotional status. I cracked myself up on the side of the bed this morning at the only escape exit being "the beach" with all other exits blocked "because I don't have a card to open those doors". The depth of my disgust for what my America has become is obvious. I make note of how desperate my feelings are and how weary I am also an accurate,  inner description)

Dream (3-4-15)

I'm in the bowels of a gigantic building that is a microcosm of the country I'm in with the basement area I am in constituting some combination of a prison and a slum. I am there with other artist types and we are half dead from starvation. The conditions are sort of like living inside a big garbage bin. I dream of escape but it seems an impossible dream. At some point a lone assassin type arrives dressed in black and starts killing those of us in there. Somehow, I manage to kill him and I take his clothing, gear that includes weapons and pass cards of the type that you use to open hotel rooms. I make me way up in an elevator to some upper level of the megalithic building to the level that constitutes the living quarters of this killer I am now impersonating to make my escape. The pass cards will only open the way back to his quarters – of course! Or I would just leave the building.

His level is like a high end department store with aisles of goods and well dressed clerks and somehow I make my way through this to what is the bunk area for this killers elite death squad unit in what is a futuristic fascist regime of some kind. I keep sunglasses on which everyone else is wearing and my concern is that these others, his comrades, will recognize me. I am very desperate and am thinking only of escape my mind racing now trying to figure out the layout of this place. I haven't eaten or slept in days and I am going a bit buggy from lack of sleep. I do not even know where in the world this building is located and escape still seems a fantastic pipe dream but then I managed to make it out of the basement so I hold some slight hope.

When I enter the bunk area for these death squad soldiers, another soldier dressed in civilian clothing approaches, not wearing sunglasses, puts his hand on my shoulder, “man, how'd it go, buddy, you look wasted, are you okay?” He is very loving in that way that soldiers love one another.

I cry a little, starting to crumble emotionally, terrified that he will now recognize that I am a fraud and not his friend but somehow he doesn't. “I'm not okay. They were just a bunch of artists, man. Do you understand? Living in the sub basement in abject filth and poverty barely alive hell man I guess I did them a favor wasting em”.

He hugs me and says, “Don't mean nothing, Brother, just say fuck it and drive on”. He says, come on let's get you to the bunk, you look like you need a shower and some sleep”.

For this I am grateful because I don't know where the bunks are and if I ask, it would give me away, I think, for sure. Once there, I say, “I need to eat something in the worst way”.

“No problem,” says my brother in arms, “let's go to the commissary,” and we walk over to a cafeteria area. I am stunned by the food, the order, the cleanliness of it all. These fucking bastards, I think, they live like this while we live like animals, looking around at it all in amazement. Off to one side I see an area that opens onto a patio and there is a beach and the ocean and soldiers are laughing and going out there with swim shorts on, carrying mixed drinks. So we're on an ocean, I think. At least I have some idea of where I am now?

The dream ends I don't eat but head back to the bunks I'm almost delirious from lack of sleep but my mind is racing desperately trying to put together an escape plan. I realize that it will not be as easy as I thought. Once I leave this building, and the only way I've seen to do that is to go out into the ocean R & R area, I will be an AWAL soldier. Also, I have no idea where in the world I am! As the dream ends, I am coming to the conclusion that I must play along at least long enough to get some sleep and eat something to build up my strength. I am telling myself to calm down and play it cool. Part of me wants to run out that door into the R/R ocean which is the only way out I've seen since my pass cards only open doors leading from where my mission was in the basement back to my quarters area here. But I need to rest and build up strength in order to effect a successful escape. These people around me are all death squad elite military killers for the fascist regime and it makes me feel ill to be among them and my instinct is to race out that door but I know that would be folly. I have to stay also and figure out more of the routines and layout in order to successfully escape this place. My last thought before waking chills me to the bones as I realize that at some point I don't know when because I don't know how much down time a soldier here gets before their next mission but at some point I will be called upon to go on another mission and that may only be a matter of days? Perhaps I should go on the mission, I think, and escape from there, assuming that the mission is somewhere outside the building itself?