Friday, July 10, 2020

Bulwonkle, Tourist Detective (On Work and Love) Fiction by David Sky


I know Freud is dead but I'll tell you he nailed this one thing, that life is all about Love and Work.

Keep it simple when it comes to philosophy I mean literally as in the less syllables the better. Years of inner searching and a fantastic and very weird mass of life experience whittled my own personal philosophy down to, “Bev”.

I know, right.

Knocked that one out of the park and in YOUR FACE Kierkegaard. So the love part got that in spades.

Work is good to me as well so way I see it I am blessed in this life. Few understand my work such is my lot in life. It is an occupational hazards that is unavoidable. I work deep, deep undercover for the Tourist Police. How deep you may wonder? So deep THEY don't even know it. Corruption is everywhere in our fair republic but my work is to stay underneath all the corruption until it presents a clear and preset danger to tourist or tourism.

By and large, it is really safe here, of course. But always there are few bad apples and my natural talent is to identify them simply by looking in their eyes. Takes one to know one kind of thing. Hell, half the folks visiting our fair isle are from the states where if one were self hating enough to watch the evening news, murder is rampant. I mean here sure you might get your laptop snatched but your chances of dying by crime are much lower here than of being crushed by an airplane engine falling randomly out of the sky. And I have the data somewhere to back that up, I'm sure.

Bet you can't say that about the states now can you?

And you know the thing is that I love people, right. I'm a people person always have been. I'm a world class hugger too doesn't matter to me how hot and humid it's been all day. Listen the first rule of being a deep, deep cover Tourist Detective is tell no one. I do not even tell Beverly the extent of my mission to protect her in case my identity were ever discovered by the wrong people. So I just engage in my own special brand of community undercover detective work.

I approach a nice family I haven't seen before - Hi folks, good morning to you and may I welcome you to the island! I give an enthusiastic welcome to this big family from … somewhere where they do not get much exercise or sun ? Hugs all around. Couple with two kids. The kids smile and hug me back.

Where you guys from? I ask.

Peoria, IL, the couple says almost in unison then laugh. Bob, says Bob. Cindy says Cindy.

(I feel the positive energy already rising now do you see why I love my work?) I reach into my left pocket and grab a handful of sandwich size zip lock plastic bags – a present and a free tip of the day for you folks, I hand Bob the plastic bags with a slight flourish. (I mean who doesn't love a present, right?)

What's this for? Bob asks

Each of you keep one in your pocket at all times then when a downpour breaks out, you can put your cell phone in their and just go ahead and enjoy getting soaked in paradise.

Both of them look up into the clear blue skies overhead. Cindy says, but there's not a cloud in the sky. Bob is shaking his head in agreement. Doesn't look like rain, he says skeptically.

Well, I tell them, politely, the weather can change here in the tropics in a heart beat. Always be prepared is my motto. Have a wonderful time guys, I bid them farewell and stride forth into another day in paradise where love and work are perfect.

Beverly said once that the biggest thing she loves about me is my unbridled enthusiasm for living. I asked if it is okay if the biggest thing I loved about her is her lips? But anyway, I say just jump on life and hump it and thank God for your good luck, man. It's no more complicated than that ?

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