He
finally granted me access at his home on a Sunday afternoon. We sit
in his den a cozy place with wall to wall books of a most eclectic
nature. I notice sandwiched between an ancient looking hardback of War and
Peace and a Moosewood Cook Book is a thin volume titled, “How to
Find the G Spot”, as an actual example.
Outside are low, heavy
clouds and in his study's only light is natural from a few high, small, square windows letting in a diffuse, winter afternoon glow.
Why
should I talk to you, he asks me evenly.
I
will tell your story accurately, faithfully, I tell him truly. You have my complete discretion.
He
leans forward all 6' 5” of him, his long arms and long legs looking
awkward when he sits like he's all knees and elbows –
listen, this is serious work, volunteer work as it may be, there is
little of more importance – do you understand?
I
return his sustained eye contact assuring him sincerely that he has
my utmost respect. Just tell me what you do, I ask.
Well,
what you do is go find them. Simple as that. I focus on the task at
hand and by that I mean that I not only look, I see; I not only listen, I
hear. I become a receiver - do you know what that means?
No,
tell me?
It
means I'm receiving not transmitting.
Not
sure I understand how that works?
Mind
is blank, he says, seeming to relax just a little sitting back in
his chair and sort of untangling himself, continuing, mind is blank,
breathing controlled, pace deliberate, sustainable, the awareness
focused upon reading the terrain always trying to grasp the big
picture too, you know, that is important. Where am I on this earth?
The first rule of the search is never get lost yourself. So many
decisions to be made in terms of directions all constantly
interacting with inner hunches. It is a state of complete commitment
on every level.
Is
it hard, I ask, I mean isn't it dangerous, isn't it lonely out there
in the wilderness like that?
Not up until you get the all clear from
base meaning either the search has been called off or the person was
found. Before that, you're too focused. It's afterward's it can get real. Maybe by then you realize that you
pushed it too far this time. Maybe this time you don't get back. You
start thinking a little wildly. Yea it's lonely. Maybe you start with that what's it All About Alfie stuff going around in your head. But you push on through because you know down
in your toes that it's not just about you. It's about this other, you
know - this other that is out there somewhere who needs you to find them. So no
matter what, I dust myself off, do whatever I need to do so I can be ready for the search.
