Saturn Comes Home to Roost
God with the Saturn energy it's just a part of me now feels like not good or bad, not dark but heavy, somber, ponderous, man, ponderous. It feels like this is not a passing phase, not a brief transit, as it were. This is upon me now like age itself for the rest of my life. I see things so differently as if the whole world during these last few years heaved and folded transforming from this ephemeral, dreamlike thing I have known my whole life into now this solid place made of earth and stone and blood and bone and all governed by this slow but inexorable march of TIME.
I am dealing with this pernicious flu it's not helping so I'm dragging myself around and in line at the pharmacy looking at the old man in front of me not without compassion but in this Saturnine way and it's like I can FEEL how close he is to the end, like I can feel his heartbeat nearing its last beat and simultaneously feel my own relative measure of it all and in this new visceral way not in that clear but theoretical Scorpio measure of death and the end of the physical but in this cold, implacable and solid measure that Saturn takes of it all. Saturn does not simply THINK about the physical, it IS the physical. Saturn does not pontificate upon the end, it IS the end.
I am 58. My heart beats. It won't beat so much longer until I am exactly like this old man right here - not much longer at all. It is what it is, man. Carpe Diem is the only sane philosophy so that is still the same only now for me that is not just a meme, it's REAL, solid as a tombstone or the brass handles on a casket.
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