I'm not actually from your planet but came here from my Homeworld representing our planet's largest newspaper sent here originally to cover the music and arts scene for the Weekend Section. (Yes we have weekends on my planet and you can tell it's another planet because we still have newspapers) After three consecutive reporters covering this last presidential election cycle in America all ended up throwing themselves in front of trucks - one only after having gouged out his own eyes with his thumbs - my editor really put the screws to me to pick up the slack. I had to refuse even to the extreme tactic of extracting the tracking tooth used to find me and transport me home so now I'm stuck here on your strange if fascinating and often beautiful world. Our people biologically possess a much lower tolerance for bullshit than do earthlings. The level of bullshit in any given US presidential election is literally deadly to us.

You're planet it's okay just have to be careful of what you choose to look at here. You look in one direction, it's a veritable paradise; look in another, it's a living hell