Trip Report Gila Wilderness, New Mexico - Four Grams dried psilocybin mushrooms

April 2008

Once I spoke to Eternity personified as a female Goddess possessing or expressing an infinite seeming love characterized by a kind of patience that I don't exactly know how to describe like some perfect or archetypal mother. At this time, I was under the impression that our Gaian Mother was my mother and this notion was quite dear to my heart, very important to me. In this experience under the influence of a high dose of psilocybin alone deep in a million acre New Mexico wilderness, came Eternity and I still can recall her voice - compelling. I was trying to pull away and she would say ever so gently but compellingly, "David, come back here, now, listen to me now" tapping simultaneously her nails upon something hard - I could not see her then in an altered state of reality physically unconscious but when I "looked up" at the direction I heard her voice coming from, I could see a classical white, Greek pillar behind which shone a bright light that if this pillar were not blocking, I felt surely would kill me. This light seemed to be her, Eternity, who spoke so gently, so insistently to me.

"David, you need to listen, I need to tell you something now" Eternity insists, tap tap tap tap, to get my attention.

"Yes?" I finally managed blinking looking at this pillar above me and the blinding white light behind it.

"She is not your mother, Honey. Do you understand".

I do understand, I understand it all even before she says and I begin to sob and I think likely actually began to sob, now in mid morning sun in the middle of an empty field, alone, next to the Gila River. My heart is broken like never before as if some final insult to my most dearly held delusion was just then stripped away leaving me as naked emotionally and spiritually as I was in reality there in that field. Of course, I thought, of course how did I not see this? I didn't want to see it. I couldn't see it. A child abandoned by by his father and his mother who had found the Great Gaian Mother of us All and clung to her thigh as would any abandoned child. When she put her hand gently upon my head and comforted me, that saved my life - literally. My love for her is the love of a child for his mother.

"David I am so sorry," Eternity is saying while I am still lost in convulsive grief, "but you must accept this if you want to continue your journey, you must," and I thought listening to her that I do accept it, I see the truth of it, feeling through my grief some odd sense of shame for not having seen it sooner, how foolish and childish I had been in my delusion. As if to comfort me, Eternity, also a mother, is saying, "She is the Mother of your body, David. The Earth Mother she gave you this physical vessel in which to invest yourself while in this physical incarnation so in that sense she is then the mother of your body but your eternal spirit as you know was never born so you have no mother or father those are mere constructs of this incarnation, this reality here, same as time, pain, loss, abandonment all those feelings and all the delusions of your flesh and blood life that She, yes, the Gaian Mother of your body, has made possible for the singular edification of your eternal spirit."

I "woke" then finding myself on my knees, naked, in the middle of a small clearing, having disrobed and apparently crawled out 30 feet or so from my camp under the pines, my face, neck, chest and belly covered in sand made wet with my tears and some got in my eyes and I am sitting on my knees and had been for I don't know how long. I try to stand but my legs are asleep and I pitch forward, face planting into the sandy earth. After some indeterminate length of time, just lying there feeling the warm sandy, earth against the side of my face, I stand up seeing my backpacking camp a few yards away under a Ponderosa Pine finding it vaguely reassuring, making some note that I am not, after all, completely naked in the wilderness. I have everything i need right there to survive and comfort myself even and in fact having been out this now the fifth day having in all that time not seen another soul. I stumble then forward about 20 yards to the Gila River here merely a large creek maybe 20 feet wide and three feet deep at the center and I plunge into the water and it is freezing cold and shocking and I wash the sand from my face, out of my hair, out of my eyes, my body and stumble back up onto the bank and sit shivering in the hot, noon day sun.

I remember the Voice of Eternity and look around in awe at the beauty of the Gila Wilderness, the canyon country I am in, grateful to be alone so that no one thinks me insane and grateful to the Great Gaian Mother of our bodies for giving me what I now call this DNA Body Machine, knowing that in only a few short years I will give this body back up to her for from dust we are made and to dust we shall return. All things in this reality begin and end - a fantastic and utterly novel experience for an Eternal Being. One that apparently we need to experience in order to negotiate the hallowed halls of eternity itself.

Jupiter Retrograde 2022 - Personal Astrology by David Sky

 

Today Jupiter retrogrades back to 29 degrees Pisces, the last degree of the last sign. This happens right about exactly as Mars retrogrades at 25 degrees Gemini. Collectively, there is some general sense of completing a cycle, of perhaps some culmination or perhaps an eclipse, not to forget this is happening in the midst of this Scorpionic eclipse season.

Jupiter the largest planet, the Great Benefic, the energy of expansion, optimism, inclusive not exclusive, open minded and lucky is also Zeus the King of the Gods who threw down lightening bolts from Mount Olympus striking humans who dared test his will - in Vedic Jupiter in Retrograde is said to bring Karma. I have my Sun in Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter, along with Jupiter itself at home there by sign, and Mars and Mercury. I also have my Sagittarius Sun square the nodes of the moon at 29 degrees Virgo and Pisces, perhaps my most challenging natal aspect.

Jupiter first hit 29 degrees 27 minutes of Pisces, my SN on May 8th and this was about the time when I gave up on my YouTube channel that had meant so much to me for nearly two years. At that time, I gave up on a lot and for better or worse laid down into what seems a transformative process over which I feel no control and, in fact, have begun to suspect that this is the very purpose of what I am experiencing now with Pluto transit opposite Natal Moon while not the only challenge playing into this, the most profound. I take note that Jupiter will hit my SN again and finally just before it races through Aries early next year just days before my birthday on December 17th. I think that I am waiting for some kind of mouth to mouth resuscitation from the Universe and my best guess is that this last hit may bring it because the retrograde hit is only days away on November 4th and at this point just cannot yet imagine any kind of rejuvenation.

Simultaneously, Neptune that will be within orb of influence for all of us by transit as to Jupiter as it retrogrades back into Pisces is square my natal Sun that today is exactly opposed by Mars stationing retrograde. Saturn opposes Uranus for me this year as it conjuncts Chiron in its retrograde. The Nov 8th eclipse hits exactly my Progressed Moon now transiting Scorpio, not to forget progressed energy in any of this. My progressed Sun forms an exact semi-sextile to this Jupiter South Node conjunction so for me this must represent a profound karmic ending. My progressed Sun will enter Pisces in July of 2023 and I feel this will represent a profound change for me that will see me now at the age of 62 over 30 years likely to my end here on this earth.

But honestly, I feel now numb like maybe a random piece of wood on the ground. I barely have the physical energy to breathe, it seems. In some strange way, I feel as if I do not actually exist now. I am out of time and out of space. I no longer have the will to meditate and even prayer is almost negated. Oddly, I feel though that this is exactly as it should be and I feel little desire to fight back. Instead of struggling to stand up as I have done so often in the past, thinking much of this autoimmune attack in 2008 and how I was told that I would be dead within a year and how I shook that off and stood up and walked again and how now I instead just remain on the ground looking up passively at the clouds passing overhead with barely the will to think.

This eclipse on the 8th will also be on a Progressed Moon that is separating my four degrees from my natal Venus in Scorpio that was severely challenged last year by a Saturn Square culminating as a long Uranus opposition cleared, a real one two punch for our Gurl Venus. My love life and relationship stood up well to this outer planet scissor effect so what it was about was my own, internal relationship energies that speak as well to a SN at 29 degrees Pisces, my 7th House of relationship. This is something to keep in mind in terms of especially a challenging Uranus transit to ones Venus or the 7th House, that this does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. It will have to do with Venus energies and relationship in general but think of it always first as a transit that actives natal (and progressed energies) and perhaps in the case or Uranus (or Saturn or Pluto for that matter) as a stress test such as an engineer might do on a bridge to determine the condition of its structural integrity.

Anyway, Uncle Universe. Uncle God. I got nothing. I got nothing but I am in here somewhere still alive.

Mars Retrograde in Gemini 2022/23

This incredible Mars transit through Gemini hitting my 10th house driving me back into study while Pluto steady searches my soul in opposition to my Cancer Moon. It often feels that I am dying physically so, I mean, primarily, and yet I live. What is not killing me is in some literal process of making me stronger.

So long as I live, I vow to drive this crude sword deeper and deeper into the Heart-of-All-Things.

This body and ego self is a ridiculous thing as hapless as any little bird but my true self is indomitable, never born so never to die and I must remind all these planets, kindly but firmly, and even our Sun itself that while all of you will wink out of existence in only a few billion years, the Thing I Am is eternal. None of you are the master of me.

The Pathology of The Machine

It is more than simply approaching childbirth as if it were a disease to be treated by medical intervention. There is a fatalism that is a nihilistic perception of life as being some state of dying staved at any moment only by our next breath. This subtle but pervasive, underlying assumption most common to modernity, it seems to me, lends itself to such things as False Flag attacks like 9-11 and the Covid Hoax because our most basic human dignity of being in and of ourselves is subverted by outer and non human systems turning human beings naturally occurring as any creatures under the sun into slave-victims of The Machine.

Mars Transit to 7th House of Gemini in Mundane Chart of USA

Astrology by David Sky

So using the Sibly chart not to get all into that but this is the most accepted chart and my thought after all is said and done, since July 4th is such a national holiday in America and has been for so long now, I feel like this is where the energy is concentrated.

The coming Mars retrograde especially, but the whole 7th month long Mars transit to Gemini in the 7th house of the USA feels in my bones like the core of the overarching energy of the USA's Pluto Return. What I am looking for in the Pluto Return is both some insight into how so it may play out in our reality as well as trigger points and this Mars through the 7th retrograding just before the mid term elections seems of great, perhaps not hyperbolic to say, even grave import.

While there are many trigger points during this multi year Pluto Return for the USA, given the martial nature of the US since its inception and its present insistence upon aggression virtually worldwide now, I feel we must consider with this transit outside influences having an impact upon the Pluto Return that I see primarily as an internal affair. Pluto in the 2nd is said to indicate finances of the country and certainly that is at play but most of all in a late degree of Capricorn representing the Government, Pluto has been doing its thing of shadow work in this government sign since 2008, going into the hidden, secret and dark places leading up to what most would consider is set to be at least some kind of fundamental transformation.

The 2nd house to me is also fixed earth, an earth house, the ground, so it feels to me that the impact could be more than a transformation in the financial sector. The Square of Saturn to Uranus is huge in this Pluto Return also forming a last hurrah near the time that Mars Retrogrades. Uranus is in the 6th house so two earth houses in this square and squares are always pressure, Saturn to Uranus a tension and pressure between the government and the people in the broadest sense, I think most could agree. I see things unapologetically through the lens of a so called Conspiracy Theorist which I well imagine is how Pluto may be seeing things, come down to it, having been rooting around in those classified basements for almost fifteen years now.

Mars is of course Martial especially in a mundane chart of a country and since the 7th house here is the house of foreign countries and open enemies, it certainly feels like Mars is a potential threat. In this transit just considering two conjunctions, there seems to be a clear martial aspect. First, Mars hits Uranus and anyone who has had significant Uranus to Mars transits especially or Uranus to Mars in synastry knows that this is a powerful combination given to volatile, erratic and rash energies with a strong dose of Who-Knows-What. I have to go back through the timeline and look at everything else during these long seven months because obviously there is a lot going on. Mercury soon will be retrograding over the Midheaven here another government pressure point and surely something will come up and likely around whatever Pluto has dug up from the basement.

Mars Return in the midst of this Mars Retrograde and in the 7th house and much like Uranus points very much to martial energy but with Uranus seems like well could be an outside force acting upon the US perhaps in some unexpected way (screams cyber attack) this Mars Return feels internal to me and my clairaudience, just to be honest here, said when I first laid eyes on it, "Internal Conflict" that I interpretated first as civil war possibly but then thinking about it, perhaps this Mars Return represents a point when the US military stands in some martial fashion at odds somehow with the civilian leadership of the government and given present circumstances worldwide, perhaps in regards to aggression to or from a foreign power.

My disadvantage now is that for reasons of successfully negotiating my own once in a lifetime Pluto transit, I have divorced myself from the information flow of current events. Just include my notes here hoping someone else can contribute and develop this further and I will be going back to this as my energy, much maligned now, allows.

Pluto Transit Opposite Natal Moon: "Unbreakable"

Childhood "Issues" primarily of abandonment, proximity abandonment and physical and emotional neglect along with just being exposed to a highly toxic environment throughout childhood. I thought going into this, naively, "How bad can it be, my whole life has been a Pluto transit to the Moon, metaphorically speaking - this is my bailiwick. I got this". I had some sense that it would be about breaking the family curses, maybe like some advanced degree in breaking family curses.

I think that I mostly had it right only there is always that gulf between theory, no matter how good the theory may be, and reality. So here I am. Transits always stimulate what we have made over time of our natal energies, I remind myself. Pluto on the AC squaring Mercury and Mars for me and the likelihood that I would break someone's face again is extraordinarily low and has been for quite some time because I worked on that energy. But, alas, I am not Mother Theresa here. I just wiped three family members from my life and feel about a million percent better for it. No need to confront them, just a need to find peace within myself which is the core lesson of this transit, I am finding - a powerful and real self acceptance and peaceful core that will be if I survive it, unbreakable.

It comes at a cost and going back to the core of the Pluto energy that this transit addresses energetically, Pluto on the IC is ruthless self preservation: The Survivor.

Not much for bubble gum, rainbows and light astrology and am becoming comfortable with that as well. A lot of what is passing for New Age wisdom is old ass mental illness and projection of unresolved trauma from childhood abuse, the epidemic of epidemics. I do not wish to be a part of anything that is not genuine bone to soul. Sometimes Pluto portends death, horrible death possibly. This is part of life, unfortunately. I have seen it too many times. Astrology is just life, all of life, the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Spiritual in the Carnal World

Orgasm's as spiritual as prayer,

a smile as brilliant as the sun,

a simple gift from the heart,

as exalted as any church litany -

spiritual is right here and now

permeating this carnal world:

One thing does not have to die

so that another thing may live!