12/4/2013 - Work of the Day: Dispatching Abandonment Fear

Evelyn Mayes my maternal Grandmother who is now my Angel. I know many folks don't "believe" in "angels" but I mean this literally and it is not a belief for me, it just is. These Angels are aspects of ourselves for what we are is not behind... these blue eyes where you think I am. What we are is much more than this persona whether bodily or as represented herein in this Facebook cyber-world. This place here and now, this physical universe in which our DNA Machine Bodies exist temporarily housing our eternal selves, is a strange and different place so far as goes the eternity of us for what we are was never born so can never die - "energy is neither created nor destroyed" - and what we are is neither singular nor plural, male nor female.
I remind myself of this thing herein more than I intend to preach. I now finally have found the strength to tackle what I call, "The Last Demon" which for me is abandonment fear and to be clear has nothing to do with Satanism or demons as depicted in fiction whether biblical or otherwise but refers to psychological conditions that possess me in the manner of these depicted demons as if something outside of me that is constantly attempting to destroy me, the good in me.
I know how to deal with this and I am and I do not do it alone and I only do it now because I am grounded physically in love and I call upon Grandma to draw close now, to help me in this. I will not fail. I cannot. This last demon must be exorcised  once and for all so that I may continue to grow spiritually which is my only real goal in life now. I thank God for giving me this great gift of abandonment issues, having had no father and been abandoned by my mother but knowing now with certainty that this happened for a reason, a good reason, in order to challenge me to be as whole and true as a fire that cannot be put out by any darkness, any winds, any floods.
Bring it Abandonment Demon, this is your chance for I give you power by calling you out. Goliath and those spectators all had their bets in but David settled that one in his favor and so shall I.

(Later in the day, having determined that a transforming Abandonment Fear is beyond my ability and that dealing with it once and for has been coming from a long ways off, I determine that dispatching it is the correct solution. I place my hands on my chest and apply pressure firmly and address it sternly now, out loud:

I know you - do you understand? I know everything about you. I know your mother and your father; your maiden and paternal grandparents. I know you from generations long past. You cannot hide for what I am is light so bright that any shadow which may give you refuge is dissolved by my brilliance. You will leave now, I command, and mentally I reach into my body now - focusing on this pressure of my palms against my own naked chest, feeling the heat of my palms upon my own flesh - I find you now in every corner of my being, in my arteries and veins, in the very capillaries I my toes, and I command you TO LEAVE - and with this last which I yell with a great expulsion of breath, I fling my hands and arms outward violently in a dispersing moving and command it, this abandonment fear, "burn in the fire of the sun" for the sun is my ally and I AM the sun and the IS I.

(I do feel better now with my sun having set for the day and winter's early dark come down and as I had flung my arms outward, I had felt a lightness in my chest. Only time will tell if this exorcism holds but as spontaneous as it may appear, I have been considering it for some time and by personifying it as a "demon" my thought was that I could exorcise it. I had done this before most recently with a much weakened but pernicious "Fear of Intimacy" - a close cousin of Abandonment Fear -sorry to mix metaphors)