From my Tribe.net Blog dated March 1st 2012

Was in Santa Fe New Mexico when I wrote this and physically not doing well at all barely about to walk using a walker, in the throes of bankruptcy and divorce but I did indeed tumble forward which was about all I could do and now I am in such a better place in every way with my faith restored in The Mushroom Path and stronger than ever with my faith having been tested now in every way including  a near death experience and proven unshakable and warranted. Now I have emerged from the dark and scary part of the path and into this sunlit meadow and truly I can say to God Almighty thank You from the bottom of my heart for giving me everything I need in this world. I have travelled across the country many times over but all that has actually happened is that I moved myself out of hell and into heaven on earth -

Where is there to go now
East, West, North and South
Wherever a human heart beats
I am already there ?

Tribe blog:
"The Last Rabbit Hole"

When you get down soo low, new lows appear - exactly the opposite of climbing say up a mountain - “there’s the top!” Little while later, “No, wait, there’s the top” And so on. I pray in the name of love for insanity, for death, but neither comes save the thrashing and horrible dying of my human spirit. Sanity rings me like a bell as if some punishment itself and I try to rip the sanity off like a mask but cannot so am doomed now to this purgatory without even the salve of delusions, deflections and other ego defenses, good and bad as they may be?

Everything is brighter now, clearer, edges crisply defined and all aglow as if in the midst of nice little Acid Trip? There are the twenty five years of my life wherein I could even walk gone - I experience the goneness of a life, what grief, something that one cannot get back by any means whatsoever. Now literally crippled both physically and emotionally and in the depths of a nasty Rabbit Hole. An instinct now to seek the Mushroom Path. If I am alive then the Mushroom Path exists. I can follow it on my knees, do you understand? I could lay paralyzed again unable to move a muscle yet I could Choose to follow the path.

The secret is that the path is nowhere and nothing at all. Like the breath of eternity as she rests her head upon the shoulder of god. To "Look" for the path is folly. To struggle in any way is hopeless error. Best to look out of the corner of my eyes, use those rods like for night vision, squint my eyes, maybe, - yes, there, there it is a vast glowing white membrane connecting all things ... and then it is gone from sight but not from mind and I know that we see with our minds, not our eyes.

Alright. I think I can do this maybe one more time. And we’re talking on my knees, no sword at hand, no power but my own pathetically flawed power to love. I can tumble, maybe, forward one last time. Put all my life fearlessly once again into the utterly fathomless hands of fate. Because this is the Mushroom Path. It is most certainly not the shortest path nor the easiest path nor the right or wrong path nor the up or down path nor the narrow path nor the holy path but only my own path that I choose to follow with my human will because I believe that this is the path through the very heart of all things.

No right path only the path upon which the heart field explodes with energy - I will know it easily because right now it is the opposite, the heart field engulfed in a thick darkness and worn down to a bare nub, the tiniest flicker of life.

Right now, give me strength to love. Strength to crawl out of this nasty hole by bloody finger nails if necessary and on into 2012 and Operation Monkeys and Ocean - in the name of love, I pray.

(Hey, I didn't come to this party for the nuts and cookies, man - I came to stir the pot, dammit!")See More